Well, back again. I just read through all of my old posts. It seems crazy how much things have changed from when I first started posting. My eyes have been great since my last Vitrectomy. I recovered a lot faster from that one. They ended up having to put a gas bubble in which meant that I had to be face down or on my right side for 4 days afterwards. It seemed so insanely annoying at the time, but when I look back now, it was a tiny price to regain my sight. There have been no bleeds since then (knock on wood). I just have to wear reading glasses because of the lenses I had put in after my cataracts were removed. But that's no biggie either. Since May and coming back to work I have managed to lose 35 lbs which is awesome. I hope to lose 10-15 more and then I will be quite satisfied. My diabetes has been in great control since about October. It just seemed to change over night and has stayed that way ever since (again, knock on wood).
I was dating a new guy before Christmas, but he broke up with me on New Year's eve. He claimed that I was too sick with my diabetes. What he actually meant to say was that he was going to get back with his ex as I had caught them gettin' it on that night. Men. But still, how can someone be so damn insensitive. "Sick" with diabetes doesn't really happen anymore. Even with all the bullshit I went through with my eyes I never once considered myself 'sick' with diabetes. People are so stupid.

Where does the time go?

It has been a loooooooooong time since I last wrote. It has been a busy summer workwise. Life as a 'casual' officer sucks, to say the least. We are on-call 24-7 which takes any chance of a life away. My 5 year relationship with my boyfriend died a month ago because of the lifestyle I am forced to lead. Oh well. It's not like I can just give up a government job. On the diabetes front, on August 9 I decided that perhaps it was time to unload some of the excess weight I seem to have accumulated over time. I started watching my carb intake which, in turn, allowed my insulin intake to drop enormously. Before august 9 my average daily units was around 120-150, huge. Since then my average is around 70 units a day. I have also lost 10 pounds which feels great. I have a lot more to lose, and I know I am still taking too much insulin but it's a start in the right direction. I'm meeting with my dietician next week and I hope to work on my carb intake with her. It's really hard to go a whole day without consuming a lot of carbs. i just smply run out of ideas. I am not a cook, I do not cook nor do I like to cook. My oven has been broken for a month now and I don't miss it at all. So that leaves me with consuming foods that do not require much preparation or cook time. Plus, being a 'casual' makes it impossible to plan ANYTHING ahead so that makes even grocery shopping a chore. It seems that everywhere we turn we are being bombarded with these 'quick and easy' meals, fast food etc. It's so easy to just stop at McDonalds' and grab a burger and fries, but I have to remind myself that that is not the right choice. Oh well, one step at a time.

3 Months Later...

Well, it has indeed been quite awhile. It's not exactley that I've been busy, but rather that I've been too bored to blog. Today is my first shift back at work. What started as 6 weeks off ended up being 4 months. I had 2 vitrectomies in that time. Things have definitely changed in the sight department. I had my 2nd vitrectomy just over 2 weeks ago so I haven't completely healed, but what a difference. I can see almost perfectly from the eye I had my first citrectomy on. I can drive, I can read, it's awesome. I hated being off work for so long. Unemployment paid me jack shit so I was broke the whole time. My family has been amazing through all of this. They were at both vitrectomies and all the visits in between. I have spent more time in Toronto than at home. Or at least it feels that way. I am severely losing the weight loss game. I have gained so much weight from just sitting around the house. I wasn't allowed to exercise after both surgeries so that gave me a lot of couch time. I really need to get serious and get this extra weight off. I did quit smoking finally which is awesome. I'm super happy about that. Other than that, it seems that I have returned to my old life. Work. Eat. Sleep. The one thing that I did not manage to do while I was off was to get my blood sugars in control. I have had a ridiculous time with that. I can't seem to do anything right. I am on soooooo much insulin, which of course doesn't help the weight loss game. I really have to get these disease in check or I may end up checking out way before my time. and that thought scares me.

3 Down More to go!!!

Had my first weigh in last night. I was super nervous and sure that I hadn't lost anything. Since Sunday my bloodsugars have been...well, perfect. It's been great, however, on Tuesday and Wednesday I had pretty bad lows where I ended up eating my face off. I thought that I had blown any weight loss, but obviously I was wrong. I lost 3 pounds and am pretty happy about that. If I can readjust the settings on my pump then maybe I won't get those lows and I'll be able to lose more next week. Here's to hoping!!!!

Finally Gonna Doing Something About it!!!@!

Well, I took that first big step//I joined Weight Watchers this week. I knew I had to do something. I'm off work for 6 weeks due to eye complications (waiting for surgery) and after the first 2 weeks I knew I had gained weight. So, I went. They took my height, asked a few questions and then it was weigh in time. Good Lord was it a shock!!!!! I weighed in at 197.2!!!!! That is absolutely disgusting. The lady that weighed me in was really surprised , she said that I carry my weight well. That does not matter to me...there are people on the Biggest Loser who weigh less than me!!!! Anyways, I'm happy that I got off my FAT butt and plunged in. Now is the hard part....for breakfast and lunch I do really well, I've been eating great and keeping track, but after lunch I fall apart. I get the munchies hard core EVERY afternoon. For instance, for breakfast today I had the new Weight Control oatmeal and a yogurt (fat free and no sugaradded), then for lunch I heated some left over cabbage casserole (cabbage, sauerkraut, hamburg, rice, tomatoes), pretty healthy. the an hour later I had a granola bar. now, 3 hours later i just had a grilled cheese!!! what the hell?!?! So, the snacking is my issue. Anyone have any advice? I need something that will fill me up. I do not seem to own an 'off' switch. I keep eating and eating and eating...just like the energizer bunny. I'm definitely not the nibble on veggies type, that just doesn't do it for me. I've gone over my points pretty much everyday. I did well Friday, but then went out drinking all night. ooops. I really want to succeed on Weight Watchers. I don't want to go back to work weighing 20 or 30 more pounds. Oh well. So, if anyone has any advice that is on weight watchers or has been on ww, then I would appreciate any help you can give.

6 Weeks of nothingness...what do I do???

Well, I am officially off work and on Unemployment. My eyes are so shotty that I had to go on sick leave. This sucks. Obviously. I went to the eye doctor last week, a new specialist, and I am having surgery March 6. So, until then, I can't work. This is a blessing indisguise of sorts. It was becoming way too stressful trying to perform my duties as an Officer the jail. It's a risky job on normal days, it's worse not being able to see. So, now I am home. Alone. All day, everyday while my boyfriend works. I can see this being an issue. Although this was only the first week, I know that I put on weight. All I do is watch tv. I can't drive because of my eyes so I can't go and work out. I've been trying to watch what I eat, but that's hard too because I am so bored I just want to eat. Oh well. Hopefully the snow will melt soon and I can start walking. I'm hoping that the 5 weeks left will go fast and that the surgery will allow me to get back on my feet.

Normal numbers???!!!???

6.4. I had to blink. I didn't think that my meter actually went that low...or wait a minute, I didn;t think my bs could go that low. For a minute I was surprised that I wasn't lying on the ground in some sort of hypo coma. My body is not used to being that number, that is low for me. But, I felt fine. I felt great actually. It was 3pm and I had just gotten up. I worked a 12 hour night shift last night. I got home just after 7am, went to bed at 8am and then slept till 3pm. It was wonderful. Then I remembered that I had to come back in for another 12 hour tonight. Blah. 12 hour night shifts suck big time. It is currently 10:30, only 8 more hours to go!! Definitely shitty. So, I made myself an egg and cheese sandwich and had a yogurt for dessert. I counted 50 carbs for that and bolused 5 units. I got to work and tested around 7:20 and was disappointed to see that I was 12.5. Of course I corrected and we will see what it is in a bit. The worst thing about working here is the food. Prison food. Most people would assume that jail food is horrible...oh no, it can actually be quite the opposite. I went to check out the fgood situation and here's a big fat banana cake with icing sitting there. Damn it all to hell. Of course I had to try a piece. Oh well. The cooks bake all sorts of good stuff like cookies, cakes, pies, tarts etc. It is brutal. The inmates gain pounds and so do the staff. The meals vary from healthy to fried. Every Sunday they cook roast beef or a turkey and have a traditional sunday dinner. They eat a lot of potatoes, and french fries. but for jail food, it's pretty tasty, just unhealthy. I've gained 20 pounds since starting here 2 years ago. I'm trying to lose it now, but the banana cake isn't helping that or my blood sugars. oh well c'est la vie i suppose.