3 Months Later...

Well, it has indeed been quite awhile. It's not exactley that I've been busy, but rather that I've been too bored to blog. Today is my first shift back at work. What started as 6 weeks off ended up being 4 months. I had 2 vitrectomies in that time. Things have definitely changed in the sight department. I had my 2nd vitrectomy just over 2 weeks ago so I haven't completely healed, but what a difference. I can see almost perfectly from the eye I had my first citrectomy on. I can drive, I can read, it's awesome. I hated being off work for so long. Unemployment paid me jack shit so I was broke the whole time. My family has been amazing through all of this. They were at both vitrectomies and all the visits in between. I have spent more time in Toronto than at home. Or at least it feels that way. I am severely losing the weight loss game. I have gained so much weight from just sitting around the house. I wasn't allowed to exercise after both surgeries so that gave me a lot of couch time. I really need to get serious and get this extra weight off. I did quit smoking finally which is awesome. I'm super happy about that. Other than that, it seems that I have returned to my old life. Work. Eat. Sleep. The one thing that I did not manage to do while I was off was to get my blood sugars in control. I have had a ridiculous time with that. I can't seem to do anything right. I am on soooooo much insulin, which of course doesn't help the weight loss game. I really have to get these disease in check or I may end up checking out way before my time. and that thought scares me.

3 Down More to go!!!

Had my first weigh in last night. I was super nervous and sure that I hadn't lost anything. Since Sunday my bloodsugars have been...well, perfect. It's been great, however, on Tuesday and Wednesday I had pretty bad lows where I ended up eating my face off. I thought that I had blown any weight loss, but obviously I was wrong. I lost 3 pounds and am pretty happy about that. If I can readjust the settings on my pump then maybe I won't get those lows and I'll be able to lose more next week. Here's to hoping!!!!

Finally Gonna Doing Something About it!!!@!

Well, I took that first big step//I joined Weight Watchers this week. I knew I had to do something. I'm off work for 6 weeks due to eye complications (waiting for surgery) and after the first 2 weeks I knew I had gained weight. So, I went. They took my height, asked a few questions and then it was weigh in time. Good Lord was it a shock!!!!! I weighed in at 197.2!!!!! That is absolutely disgusting. The lady that weighed me in was really surprised , she said that I carry my weight well. That does not matter to me...there are people on the Biggest Loser who weigh less than me!!!! Anyways, I'm happy that I got off my FAT butt and plunged in. Now is the hard part....for breakfast and lunch I do really well, I've been eating great and keeping track, but after lunch I fall apart. I get the munchies hard core EVERY afternoon. For instance, for breakfast today I had the new Weight Control oatmeal and a yogurt (fat free and no sugaradded), then for lunch I heated some left over cabbage casserole (cabbage, sauerkraut, hamburg, rice, tomatoes), pretty healthy. the an hour later I had a granola bar. now, 3 hours later i just had a grilled cheese!!! what the hell?!?! So, the snacking is my issue. Anyone have any advice? I need something that will fill me up. I do not seem to own an 'off' switch. I keep eating and eating and eating...just like the energizer bunny. I'm definitely not the nibble on veggies type, that just doesn't do it for me. I've gone over my points pretty much everyday. I did well Friday, but then went out drinking all night. ooops. I really want to succeed on Weight Watchers. I don't want to go back to work weighing 20 or 30 more pounds. Oh well. So, if anyone has any advice that is on weight watchers or has been on ww, then I would appreciate any help you can give.

6 Weeks of nothingness...what do I do???

Well, I am officially off work and on Unemployment. My eyes are so shotty that I had to go on sick leave. This sucks. Obviously. I went to the eye doctor last week, a new specialist, and I am having surgery March 6. So, until then, I can't work. This is a blessing indisguise of sorts. It was becoming way too stressful trying to perform my duties as an Officer the jail. It's a risky job on normal days, it's worse not being able to see. So, now I am home. Alone. All day, everyday while my boyfriend works. I can see this being an issue. Although this was only the first week, I know that I put on weight. All I do is watch tv. I can't drive because of my eyes so I can't go and work out. I've been trying to watch what I eat, but that's hard too because I am so bored I just want to eat. Oh well. Hopefully the snow will melt soon and I can start walking. I'm hoping that the 5 weeks left will go fast and that the surgery will allow me to get back on my feet.

Normal numbers???!!!???

6.4. I had to blink. I didn't think that my meter actually went that low...or wait a minute, I didn;t think my bs could go that low. For a minute I was surprised that I wasn't lying on the ground in some sort of hypo coma. My body is not used to being that number, that is low for me. But, I felt fine. I felt great actually. It was 3pm and I had just gotten up. I worked a 12 hour night shift last night. I got home just after 7am, went to bed at 8am and then slept till 3pm. It was wonderful. Then I remembered that I had to come back in for another 12 hour tonight. Blah. 12 hour night shifts suck big time. It is currently 10:30, only 8 more hours to go!! Definitely shitty. So, I made myself an egg and cheese sandwich and had a yogurt for dessert. I counted 50 carbs for that and bolused 5 units. I got to work and tested around 7:20 and was disappointed to see that I was 12.5. Of course I corrected and we will see what it is in a bit. The worst thing about working here is the food. Prison food. Most people would assume that jail food is horrible...oh no, it can actually be quite the opposite. I went to check out the fgood situation and here's a big fat banana cake with icing sitting there. Damn it all to hell. Of course I had to try a piece. Oh well. The cooks bake all sorts of good stuff like cookies, cakes, pies, tarts etc. It is brutal. The inmates gain pounds and so do the staff. The meals vary from healthy to fried. Every Sunday they cook roast beef or a turkey and have a traditional sunday dinner. They eat a lot of potatoes, and french fries. but for jail food, it's pretty tasty, just unhealthy. I've gained 20 pounds since starting here 2 years ago. I'm trying to lose it now, but the banana cake isn't helping that or my blood sugars. oh well c'est la vie i suppose.

New Year's Resolution...what?

So, I have never made a New Year's Resolution before, but I think it's a good time to start. It's the good ol' traditional lose weight, get in shape blah blah blah. However, I am going to add the element of getting this damn disease under control. I am ready to fight. I know that I am in for a long a hard battle, but let's go. I'm ready. I'm sick of the ups and downs I get ALL the time!!! I went to bed last night at 6.9 and woke up at 18.9! What the hell is that? 2007 was a good year though. I got my first insulin pump, which, as frustrating as it can be, has helped. Each day I curse the thing and wonder why I bothered to spend all that money on it because it doesn't seem to make ANY difference, but then I remember how my A1c has gone down and that when I look at it objectively, the pump has made a big difference. The last few months of 2007 were definitely the roughest months I've had in ages. My eyes have been so unstable. I never know if I'm going to be able to see when I wake up. I'm going to see a surgeon in January and hopefully he can do something for me. But I do know that most of this is caused by me and that I decided to pay attention to my health a little too late in the game, but it's frustrating going from a teenager who didn't give a rat's ass, with no complications, to an adult who yearns to have control and tries to have control, but has all the complications. The only thing I can do is persevere and hope that 2008 brings good things. So, here's to hoping. Have a safe and Happy New Year everyone!!!

Keep on Keepin; on.

It's December. How depressing is that. Christmas is right around the corner which means 2 things: it's winter and I have to buy presents. For a government employee I am damn broke. Scraping together money to buy presents is going to be fun. or perhaps not. and then there's the snow. My boyfriend and I thought it would be a great idea to buy a house 20 minutes outside of town. We bought it in the summer and it was great. Now....definitely not so great. I cannot see well enough to drive in the snow. My car has spent more time here at the jail (I'm a Correctional Officer in case you weren't aware) then at home in my driveway. I have become dependent on everyone else and I hate that. I went to my opthamologist's on Friday. I ended up having laser surgery in my left eye...again. It hurt like hell. I have a high tolerance for pain, but by the end of this session I was balling like a baby. It wasn't good. What I would love to know is when this B.S. is going to end. Or even IF it is going to end. Everyday I do my best to carry on like a normal human being, but I can't friggin' see and no one understands that. My boyfriend has been amazingly helpful and so have my parents and sister, but they still don't understand. So my doctor referred me to see a surgeon about my right eye (the one I can't see jack shit out of), but of course....I have to wait until the end of January for that. I know I shouldn't complain, it's only a month and a bit away, but when I can't see....it's just frustrating. I'm sick of being the happy bubbly Lisa that everyone knows and expects. It's getting stressful. I also don't want a big gat pity party either. Last week I had to leave work because my good eye started bleeding. They took my shift away for the next day which was fine because there wasn't a hope in hell I could work. As a casual we have to earn our sick time which means working 160 hours in a month, not including over-time. I thought I'd be fine and get paid because I was sure I got the 160 in October. Nope, missed it by 1 friggin hour. I couldn't believe it. I had only worked 9 hours and definitely couldn't afford to be losing money like that. Luckily my Lieutenant talked to our Superintendent and they decided to grant me the one hour. I was/am very appreciative of that. Then, 2 days later I found out that they had also decided that I would need a doctor's note to come back to work. Now there's a kicker. I knew I couldn't just go to emerg and see any old doctor, they'd test my eyes and end up pulling my license. I waited until after the weekend and went and saw my GP who gave me the note. Lucky some may say. I really shouldn't be working...or driving for that matter, but really, i can't afford not to be. It's such a vicious circle (yes, I'm repeatimg myself, but it's true). So, that's where I'm at. Tired. Frustrated. Annoyed. Sick of dealing with this shit. It's a lonely disease that attacks your body and your soul.