New Year's Resolution...what?

So, I have never made a New Year's Resolution before, but I think it's a good time to start. It's the good ol' traditional lose weight, get in shape blah blah blah. However, I am going to add the element of getting this damn disease under control. I am ready to fight. I know that I am in for a long a hard battle, but let's go. I'm ready. I'm sick of the ups and downs I get ALL the time!!! I went to bed last night at 6.9 and woke up at 18.9! What the hell is that? 2007 was a good year though. I got my first insulin pump, which, as frustrating as it can be, has helped. Each day I curse the thing and wonder why I bothered to spend all that money on it because it doesn't seem to make ANY difference, but then I remember how my A1c has gone down and that when I look at it objectively, the pump has made a big difference. The last few months of 2007 were definitely the roughest months I've had in ages. My eyes have been so unstable. I never know if I'm going to be able to see when I wake up. I'm going to see a surgeon in January and hopefully he can do something for me. But I do know that most of this is caused by me and that I decided to pay attention to my health a little too late in the game, but it's frustrating going from a teenager who didn't give a rat's ass, with no complications, to an adult who yearns to have control and tries to have control, but has all the complications. The only thing I can do is persevere and hope that 2008 brings good things. So, here's to hoping. Have a safe and Happy New Year everyone!!!

Keep on Keepin; on.

It's December. How depressing is that. Christmas is right around the corner which means 2 things: it's winter and I have to buy presents. For a government employee I am damn broke. Scraping together money to buy presents is going to be fun. or perhaps not. and then there's the snow. My boyfriend and I thought it would be a great idea to buy a house 20 minutes outside of town. We bought it in the summer and it was great. Now....definitely not so great. I cannot see well enough to drive in the snow. My car has spent more time here at the jail (I'm a Correctional Officer in case you weren't aware) then at home in my driveway. I have become dependent on everyone else and I hate that. I went to my opthamologist's on Friday. I ended up having laser surgery in my left eye...again. It hurt like hell. I have a high tolerance for pain, but by the end of this session I was balling like a baby. It wasn't good. What I would love to know is when this B.S. is going to end. Or even IF it is going to end. Everyday I do my best to carry on like a normal human being, but I can't friggin' see and no one understands that. My boyfriend has been amazingly helpful and so have my parents and sister, but they still don't understand. So my doctor referred me to see a surgeon about my right eye (the one I can't see jack shit out of), but of course....I have to wait until the end of January for that. I know I shouldn't complain, it's only a month and a bit away, but when I can't see....it's just frustrating. I'm sick of being the happy bubbly Lisa that everyone knows and expects. It's getting stressful. I also don't want a big gat pity party either. Last week I had to leave work because my good eye started bleeding. They took my shift away for the next day which was fine because there wasn't a hope in hell I could work. As a casual we have to earn our sick time which means working 160 hours in a month, not including over-time. I thought I'd be fine and get paid because I was sure I got the 160 in October. Nope, missed it by 1 friggin hour. I couldn't believe it. I had only worked 9 hours and definitely couldn't afford to be losing money like that. Luckily my Lieutenant talked to our Superintendent and they decided to grant me the one hour. I was/am very appreciative of that. Then, 2 days later I found out that they had also decided that I would need a doctor's note to come back to work. Now there's a kicker. I knew I couldn't just go to emerg and see any old doctor, they'd test my eyes and end up pulling my license. I waited until after the weekend and went and saw my GP who gave me the note. Lucky some may say. I really shouldn't be working...or driving for that matter, but really, i can't afford not to be. It's such a vicious circle (yes, I'm repeatimg myself, but it's true). So, that's where I'm at. Tired. Frustrated. Annoyed. Sick of dealing with this shit. It's a lonely disease that attacks your body and your soul.